Valentine’s Day:When Dating Becomes… HR Process!
Valentine's Day - but make it HR
For another year, the coveted – or not – Valentine’s Day has arrived. The debates that circulate are usually about whether this particular day should be celebrated. About whether we believe in it or if it’s just another commercialized day that exists for people to fall victim to capitalism – because of course only if you buy a flower and chocolate on February 14 do you reproduce it.
There is also the portion of people who are indifferent to the day. The people who in the tension and rhythm of everyday life ignore every little heart that has adorned every shop. They walk between pink and red windows without paying attention. They quickly scroll through videos and photos on social media. Some bitter people will say this is because they don’t have a mate that day. I will say that maybe they are just “lost” in the intensity of routine and obligations. Or maybe, quite simply, they have other priorities.
I know what you’re thinking…. workaholic. Where to read the rest of the article
Dating vs Recruitment: more in common than you might imagine
So, amidst this debate about whether or not there should or shouldn’t be a specific day to remember that we’re in love, there’s a little detail. For there to be a dilemma, there has to be a candidate. And that’s where the tricky part begins. A conversation that has surely been replayed countless times, not only among friends, but also at beloved family dinner tables. Because, let’s face it, finding the “right match” often seems more difficult than deciding whether to celebrate Valentine’s Day or not. If you want to find it, of course!
So, like any group, I found myself in a similar conversation very recently. After analyzing and recounting many – not particularly successful – experiences, the common conclusion came out that dating is complicated. To be able to find what you have molded in your mind is difficult. Having the group having an HR background, we realized something: maybe, after all, the dating process is not so different from recruitment?
Seeking the Ideal Candidate... or the Ideal Companion
Think about it. All of us – and anyone who says otherwise is lying – have the ideal mate as an idea. Just certain characteristics that would lead to attraction. Just as for a position you have a brief so for relationships you have an idea of what you are looking for. What are the
‘must-have’ traits and what are the ‘nice-to-have’ ones? Where are you sourcing? Which market are you targeting? Will it be “temporary” or “permanent” employment?
Things are already getting difficult. Many of us don’t know exactly what we are looking for. Other times we think we know, but when we find it, something doesn’t quite fit. Just like in recruitment, a CV may look perfect, but in the interview, you realize something doesn’t fit. Or vice versa: someone who doesn’t initially fill your eye, ends up being the best choice.
Screening & Interviews: The Appointment as a Recruitment Process
Before we get to the interview, i.e., the appointment, there is the so-called screening process. Screening in recruitment is the initial filtering of candidates. In the love world it’s the photos (and the fit of course), the first messages and maybe even a phone number. Then comes the appointment. Appointments, I think everyone can agree, are interviews. It necessarily feels like an interview as you have to get to know each other. We can all agree that we are tired of being told over and over again our job and our favorite hobby.
Borderline more successful interviews than the ones we also do to get a job.
We’ve prepared, we’ve thought of the right answers for the most classic “tell me a little about yourself” questions. We try to show our best. We read each other’s vibes carefully. We analyze every little detail as the recruiter evaluates your body language and skills (soft and hard). Just like in a professional interview, there are red flags in the appointment. Maybe someone over-qualifies and is not consistent. Someone else may have mistaken the
meeting for a psychotherapy appointment.
Do we move forward or do we revisit the market? The Big Question
But it’s not always so negative. There’s also the chemistry. That inexplicable connection that makes the conversation flow effortlessly, that makes you forget about your checklist for a while. And somehow, without even realizing it, you can find yourself thinking “should we move on to the next stage?” Just like a perfect candidate who just fits the culture of the team.
And somewhere in there, comes the big question: do we move to the next stage or do we keep looking? Of course, positions to positions differ. In some you have to pass an assessment test while in others you have to go through a second interview phase. The equivalent of “come out and meet my company”. There is also competition and lots of choice. Of course, there is no shortage of rejections. Sometimes from your side, sometimes from the other. Because, just like in HR, in dating, there is not always a perfect match, nor a mutual connection.
But even when you think you’ve found the right match, the work doesn’t stop there. A good employee needs motivation, feedback and development. A relationship needs communication, adaptability and effort. Resilience to new offers that will arise and to the tempting messages of headhunters!
The Right Match: Why the Choice Must Be Conscious
At the end of the day, choosing the right partner is not just about what looks good on paper, but what works in practice. Just like in work environments. If you stay in a toxic work environment, you miss out on opportunities that will lift you up in the future. To get where you want to be, you may have to go through temporary positions.
This article may not be the typical Valentine’s Day article and many may think it’s an exaggeration. So, within the dose of this hyperbole, there is a truth: being with people because we choose to. Not because we don’t want to be alone, not because we feel pressure from our environment, not because we “happened”.
As in a career choice, so in relationships, the right decision should not be based on fear or need. It must be a conscious choice. Because, at the end of the day, whether it’s work or love, what it’s really worth is the right match – the perfect match (which can be temporary).
The source of inspiration for this article was my favorite girl group – my own sex and the city group and their wonderful stories. The article was written while “Looking for Love” by Costis was playing in the background.
